Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so
materialistic & then I think, well,
that would be depressing.
Because nice things are nice
& I like them, crunching them up
in my hands & rubbing them
on my cheeks & even biting them
a little, sometimes. Just at the edges.
It’s not like I’m an evil sheikh
rolling in money or anything.
Or Kim Kardashian.
Kim Kardashian would probably have
twenty asses if she could, just for the joy
of owning twenty asses. I totally
understand that joy but I want you to know
that I don’t need the joy
on that scale. I just need good-quality
sheets & in-style jeans & cute teapots
that will fill me when I look at them.
Just let me have my little red teapot
of joy. I promise I won’t let anyone
toss it into a landfill when I’ve used
up all its shininess. I swear it.