Dominic Gualco


this morning I lit a cigarette with a birthday candle
I wanted to feel something
maybe even special
I wore my pajamas outside while walking the dog
my pajamas have pandas with the words “love & luck”
curved around them and when I noticed people looking
and smiling I thought “I am making these people feel something
by wearing these”
the ability to feel means we’re alive
and that is enough
I am fairly certain of this but I am not convinced
I know we will die and that is not news
but KCRA-3 still announces it each night
at the end of the evening news
after they’ve covered the fires and murders and rapes and
all the other crazy shit going on
like the new frozen yogurt place that opened
across the Church of Latter Day Saints on J Street
and the liquidation sale at the furniture store
where you get can two egg chairs
for the price of one and you can sink into them
forget for a moment how much it can hurt to breathe
I inhale exhale inhale exhale and when I think about it
I get short of breath
when I think about all the beauty I get short of breath
when I am driving with the windows down
sunglasses on and Car Talk blasting
I want to scream out the window
“I want you to want to be here”
because I really do
I want you to want to be here
I want to make it a little easier for you
whatever that means
so let me tell you something
inhale exhale inhale no no no
quit saying that all we have to do is breathe to get through this
it will take a hell of a lot more
some Phish Food and jogging and all that other shit is what I need
and I should hit the weights also
six foot three one-hundred fifty pounds
and I’ve never felt this way about being alive
I know I’ll be okay if I work harder
do better and have more bonfires by the river
that’s what I’ve been missing
bonfires and walking at night
when it’s seventy degrees and the mosquitos
are all gone cause the planes sprayed the city
and who’s to say that magic-mosquito-killing-spray
doesn’t have fluoride and who’s to say it does
cause I know it doesn’t
I am the only one in my head
it’s a large empty room and if I start playing the drums
it will echo and the echoes will vibrate
and the vibrations will be so strong
it will break the walls and now it’s out
whatever was in my head is out
and pushing forward
redder than a maple leaf
stronger than the cargo jet
spraying all over the place
cause BOOM BOOM POW motherfucker
we are here

Dominic Gualco is from Sacramento, California. His writing has appeared at Hobart, Word Riot, and elsewhere. He maintains a twitter and tumblr.
Image courtesy of Ali Elan.

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